Partner abuse is often hidden behind closed doors, but its effects ripple through families and communities. Knowing the signs of domestic violence is critical for protecting yourself or others from harm. Keep in mind that abuse isn’t always physical; it can be emotional, psychological, financial, sexual or reproductive, or a combination of any of the above. It affects people of all genders, ages, and backgrounds. This guide outlines how to recognize domestic violence in a partner and how to spot it in others, including women, men, and children.
Warning Signs of Domestic Violence in a Partner
The signs of domestic abuse can begin subtly and worsen over time, making domestic violence early warning signs more difficult to identify and acknowledge. Recognizing early red flags can help people escape dangerous situations before they escalate. These are some common signs of an abusive relationship:
- • Extreme jealousy and possessiveness. Your partner constantly accuses you of cheating, isolates you from friends or family, or wants to know your whereabouts at all times.
- • Quick involvement. They pressure you into moving quickly in the relationship — living together, marriage, or shared finances — before you’re ready.
- • Love bombing followed by control. They shower you with affection or gifts early on in the relationship but soon begin to criticize or manipulate you.
- • Controlling behavior. They tell you what to wear, who you can see, or what you can do, often under the guise of caring or protection.
- • Verbal abuse or threats. They use words to belittle, insult, or threaten you — even jokingly — as a way to undermine your confidence.
- • Gaslighting. They make you question your memory or perception of events, insisting things didn’t happen the way you remember.
- • Physical intimidation. Slamming doors, destroying property, or standing too close can all be early signs of physical abuse.
Abusers often share certain psychological traits, such as a need for control, hypersensitivity to criticism, low self-esteem hidden by arrogance, and a refusal to take responsibility for their actions.
Signs of Domestic Violence in Others
Even if you’re not directly involved, you may be in a position to notice warning signs in friends, family members, or coworkers. These indicators vary depending on the person’s age and gender.
In Women and Other Adults
Adult survivors often go to great lengths to hide the signs of abuse, but some behaviors may signal that someone is experiencing violence or coercion at home:
- • Frequent injuries. The physical signs of domestic violence can include bruises, black eyes, or broken bones, especially when the person gives vague or inconsistent explanations.
- • Excuses for their partner’s behavior. Someone you know may defend their partner’s jealous or aggressive actions or even blame themselves for causing the abuse.
- • Social withdrawal. Isolating from friends, skipping work or events, or becoming increasingly dependent on their partner are all red flags for abuse.
- • Changes in personality or appearance. They may become anxious, depressed, or overly accommodating or seem afraid of making their partner upset.
- • Financial control. They mention not having access to money, being forced to ask for basic needs, or having to account for every dollar they spend.
Survivors often experience shame or fear that prevents them from seeking help. Offering nonjudgmental support and pointing them toward resources can be lifesaving.
In Children Who Witness Domestic Violence
Children who witness abuse in the home are deeply affected, even if they’re not the direct targets of the violence. The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry notes that exposure to domestic violence is a form of emotional abuse and can cause:
- • Behavioral changes. These can take the form of increased aggression, defiance, withdrawal, or clinginess. Some children act out at school or regress to earlier developmental behaviors, such as bed-wetting.
- • Academic issues. A child may have trouble concentrating, experience falling grades, or have frequent absences from school.
- • Physical symptoms. Headaches, stomachaches, and other unexplained health issues may be stress-related.
- • Emotional distress. Children may mention or exhibit signs of anxiety, depression, nightmares, or fear of going home.
- • Protective behavior. Older children may try to intervene in violent incidents or assume a caregiving role for younger siblings.
Children who grow up in abusive homes are at greater risk for long-term emotional and behavioral problems as well as perpetuating the cycle of violence later in life. Early intervention and trauma-informed care are crucial for helping them heal.
Know the Signs. Take Action.
Recognizing the signs of domestic violence, whether in your own relationship or in someone else’s life, can be the first step toward safety. Abuse thrives in silence and isolation, but awareness and support can change lives. If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233, or contact a local domestic violence services center for confidential help.
Find Domestic Violence Support and Spread Awareness With CAWC
At Connections for Abused Women and their Children (CAWC), we believe that everyone has a right to a life free from abuse and violence. Our mission to end domestic violence in all demographics is rooted in education, service, and advocacy. In addition to working toward broader social change, we provide empowerment-based and trauma-informed support in the form of shelter, counseling, and advocacy for individuals and their children affected by intimate partner violence.
If you or someone you know is actively experiencing the impacts of abuse or sexual violence, don’t hesitate to call our 24-hour crisis line at 773-278-4566. For nonemergency support, reach out through our contact form today.
Want to help us protect more survivors and children? You can impact the life of a domestic violence survivor or a child who witnessed domestic violence by donating to CAWC today or by supporting our work in other ways.